Archive for April, 2010

Yummy abs! Can’t breathe!

Posted in Bigbang, KPOP with tags , on 04/29/2010 by whatevertoni

Wait I dunno how to cut SNSD out. haha

Bigbang yummy abs. haha

Yummy boys!

Posted in Bigbang, KPOP with tags , , on 04/14/2010 by whatevertoni

new couple? haha! looooove them much! they’re soooo hot!!

What makes me happy?

Posted in blah, express with tags , , , , on 04/10/2010 by whatevertoni

I’m having a tantrum right now. I did not get what I want. I did not get what I think I deserve. Do I really deserve her? Oh well, this brings to mind another question. What will make me happy? What will make me feel content? What will satisfy me? Is there really something missing in my life? Why do I get easily swayed by circumstances that occur?

I’m reading a book right now of Elizabeth Gilbert entitled “Eat, Pray, Love.” It’s a really good book. It’s a non-fiction. It’s about the author’s experiences while travelling to other countries such as Italy, India, and Indonesia. When she went to India, she practiced meditation. It was tough for her to make her wild mind go still. But when she learned to be peaceful, she said it was a satisfaction beyond imagination. Seriously? I was thinking it’s like a prolonged orgasm minus the guilt feeling.

I want that too. No, not the prolonged orgasm. I want to have a peace of mind. I want to go to an Ashram in India to be in communion with God. I really do want a peace of mind. I feel like I’m carrying something that really burdens my heart. It’s like a sticky phlegm that just won’t go away.

Please, I want a piece of mind. I want to meditate and experience “prolonged orgasm minus the guilt feeling.”

Forbidden (Chaera fanfic)

Posted in 2NE1, blackjacks, Chaera, CL, KPOP with tags , , , , , , , , on 04/09/2010 by whatevertoni

So okay, I finally had the courage to start something. This scares the shit out of me. haha. I’m just not used to writing fiction. I sucked at this even when I was still in school. I’ll start from the perspective of Dara since I’m so “in love” with CL right now. haha. Ok here it goes.

********************************************************************

Is there somebody who still believes in love?

I have to sleep. I grabbed my cellphone to check out the time. It’s 3:15 in the morning. Oh my! I really have to sleep or else I might collapse while performing at MAMA. I’ve been struggling to drift into nothingness these days. Random thoughts keep on entering my mind. Even unwanted thoughts out of nowhere intrude my once peaceful mind.

Those sweet caresses on my cheeks, neck, going down. I have never been touched that way again ever since…

Argh! I can’t let the past mess with my present. Sure, I love the taste of success, but there are times when my heart craves for more. When did I last fall in love? Three years ago! There is this song I used to listen in the Philippines with lyrics that goes like this, “I remember the boy but I don’t remember the feeling anymore.” Well in my case, I remember the feeling but I don’t remember the boy. I do remember J… Oh,  I can’t even continue just saying it in my mind. Sure, I remember him but I know he is totally different now. We live in two different worlds now. The picture of him in my mind faded with time.

I want to feel it again. What is it like to be in love again? What is it like to be desired again? What is it like to open up and share something so precious, so delicate with a special person?

Sure, love can wait. Sexy time cannot. I felt myself grin at that comment I had just made. And when I say sexy time, I don’t mean sex itself. I’m never the type who sleeps with a guy just like that.

I want to feel it again. Pleasure and pain at the same time making me lose my mind. I guess it’s passion in action. I want and need some action. I want it again. What was it like again to moan with overwhelming  pleasure..

Chaerin’s sudden movement on the top bunk distracted my thoughts. Please don’t move too much. I don’t want to be crushed and be dead yet. Anyway, this thoughts have nothing to do with wanting J back. This has everything to do with wanting to be intimate with a guy again. Sure, being single is fun. I get my companionship from the girls. Flirting with male idols once in a while adds up spice to my single life. Going solo isn’t so bad after all. But the inevitable always comes up.

Chaerin moves again. This is seriously making me worry. Why does she keep on moving? Usually she’s asleep like a comatose person. Maybe she’s also having trouble dozing off.

“Chaerin..” I said quietly, careful not to wake up Bom and Minzy.

“Unnie,” Chaerin answered with a groggy voice.

“Can’t sleep as well?” I asked.

“I just suddenly woke up from an unpleasant dream. Not really a nightmare, just unpleasant,” CL answered.

“Oh yeah? It’s just a dream go back to sleep,” I sort of ordered her.

It’s always nice to be around the leader. She’s the type of person you can lean on when pressure is too much too handle. I get huge doses of strength from CL. I’m happy to work with a member like her. If she were a boy, I would most probably fall in love with her. Hah! What a crazy thought.

I remember there is this sinking feeling in my chest while pleasurable sensation pours in. Oh how I would love to be drowned with pleasure once again. Yeah, they don’t call it orgasmic for nothing.

My thoughts are interrupted with Chaerin’s movement on top of me. On the top bunk I mean. What is it with her? What’s bothering her? I wish she can learn to open up. She always appear so tough. It’s difficult to imagine her harboring something inside. I think we all do. Chaerin is probably just used to putting up a brave front all the time. That may be the reason why all emotions seem to be buried…

“Oh?” I glanced at CL who is now lying down beside me in a split second.

“I’ll sleep here unnie. It’s cold,” CL said in a sleepy voice.

Chaerin hugged me tightly. She sort of squeezed me on my waist while resting her head on my shoulder near my neck.

“Goodnight,” CL’s voice sounded flat.

She turned on the other side after that quick hug. Her back is now facing me. This girl is just so unpredictable. She’s sometimes a cold and heartless leader, then at times you melt with her sweetness. I do appreciate her being affectionate. Bom and Minzy are always sweet, but Chaerin’s unpredictable behavior makes it all interesting. Sudden and unexpected affection always makes my heart smile.

“Goodnight!” I also gave her a quick hug with my hands on top of  her stomach. I turned to face the wall and drifted into a peaceful sleep.

********************************************************************

Should I continue? haha. C’mon I need some inspiration. haha

Credits:

Kate of clbaddestfemale.wordpress.com for the screencaps. More screencaps of CL and Chaera there.