Archive for June, 2010

Are you a TRUE Blackjack?

Posted in 2NE1, blackjacks, Bom, Chaerin, Dara, KPOP with tags on 06/30/2010 by whatevertoni

If you’re new in this fandom thing, you’ll be surprised at yourself for all the overreaction and over the top expectations you have on idols. Of course it’s normal to be insane and stuff. But I think you should take time to reflect that there’s really nothing wrong with the idols. It’s your obsession that’s taking over you. It’s hard to get hold of emotions when your life seems to revolve around idols. I am guilty of this and confessing this is really hard. I took a few steps back, distanced myself, and just let everything cool down.

Even if I’m watching SNSD and other KPOP groups, I still am a Blackjack. 2NE1 is the reason why I got into this whole KPOP thing. I was completely indifferent with KPOP until 2NE1 just sort of took over my life. lol.

I heard that some fake Blackjacks are bashing 2NE1 members. While I did overreact, I never bashed them or hated them. That’s just unacceptable when you claim that you are a Blackjack. I’ve written a blog about this before.

A must-read for ALL BLACKJACKS

It’s UNACCEPTABLE to bash them when they’re working so hard and giving all their efforts. I hope you can be sensible enough to understand what they’re going through.

Last CL-related post

Posted in 2NE1, blackjacks, Chaera, Chaerin, CL, KPOP with tags , , on 06/28/2010 by whatevertoni

These are some downloaded photos/gifs that need to be deleted in my office computer. Images searched from

fan girl much?! breathe..

Posted in 2NE1, blackjacks, Bom, Chaerin, CL, Dara, Girls Generation, Hyoyeon, KPOP, Minzy, SNSD with tags , on 06/27/2010 by whatevertoni

As what I’ve said in my previous entry, being a fan girl can kill you. Yes, I guess my point had just been proven. People tend to make a fuss over little things. Oh please, we are all just fans. Let’s not act like we are part of idols’ life. It doesn’t help to blow things out of proportion, howkay?!

Special message to Babes: Medyo may idea nako sa nangyari. Alam mo yung fans ng isang member, may tendency talaga magisip ng kung ano-ano. Alam mo yun, parang tanga lang. Pero, masyado sila obsessed so yun wala na sa tamang pag-iisip. Wala kang kasalanan or kung anuman. Salamat pa rin sa fancam at fan pics. Napanood ko bago mo tanggalin. =)


I am actually struggling with being a fan girl. Now that 2NE1 is in LA and CL is with Teddy in a Mercedes Benz. It’s crazy like I don’t even know what to think about. Then, CL hid to avoid being photographed. Fck, it’s insane. I don’t even want to analyze the whole situation. It just brought weird feelings. It’s like I have to remind myself to not too get too affected. I hope the photo won’t spread too much in the net. Fck, it’s too much. I don’t really know what exactly I’m feeling.  (READ COMMENTS BELOW for clarity)

For now that it’s getting oh so crazy, I should forget about being a Blackjack. Just for now. I’ll be a Sone. Is it SONE? Yeah sorry, I’m kind of new to liking SNSD.

Hyoyeon, distract me again with your killer moves! haha

Being a fan girl can kill you

Posted in 2NE1, Bigbang, blackjacks, blah, Bom, Chaerin, CL, Dara, Hyoyeon, KPOP, Minzy, SNSD with tags , , on 06/27/2010 by whatevertoni

Aside from the heart palpitations that your idols cause, obsession can actually make you go insane. Every single thing related to your idols affect you too much.

I swear, I never imagined being an avid fan of anyone. I used to find it ridiculous when I saw fans going insane over idols. I mean, why? It seemed illogical for me. It’s like fans have no life and are pathetic. But now that 2NE1 captivated me, I finally understood the fan girl life. I’ve gone insane. I’ve now become one of those fans I used to criticize.

Everyone knows that 2NE1 is in LA, doing some secret stuff. lol. A lucky fan, Babes, got to meet them and asked for their autographs. Of course, for a fan it’s such a big deal. It’s like you can die after meeting them. But it seems that 2NE1 were a bit cold. I guess it’s because they’re tired or jet lagged. It kind of hurts watching the video.  I’m not mad or anything. It just kind of hurts. What if it happened to me or something?

I’m trying to make sense of what I’m feeling. I guess it’s because Filipino celebrities are just more accommodating, like they’ll even be the one to hug you or kiss you. They make sure they’re friendly. I’ll write another blog about this and about meeting Filipino celebrities. It’s getting late and I know I shouldn’t let this kill me. lol.

I’m not mad, alright? Maybe I should lessen the degree of my obsession. Maybe we all should lessen our degree of obsession. Well, I hope I can do that because it doesn’t seem easy. Ugh, I should just let SNSD’s Hyoyeon’s superb dancing skills distract me.

Hyoyeon, the spotlight should be on you!

Posted in Bigbang, Girls Generation, Hyoyeon, KPOP, SNSD, Taeyang with tags , , , on 06/27/2010 by whatevertoni

I’m a Blackjack, alright? But when there’s nothing new with 2NE1, I get bored and give other girl groups a chance to catch my attention. lol. I mean, of course I want to know what made others like them. Seriously, I also get curious with other girl groups.

Lately, I’ve been watching SNSD. With nine gorgeous ladies, it’s hard to stand out. The members that I first noticed were Sunny, Yuri, and Taeyeon. I see them the most in various variety shows. In variety shows, members with aegyo of course get the most number of air time. On the other hand, in performances, the most popular member gets focused frequently.

For a while, SNSD had no effect on me. They have similar moves and appearance. They move as one, which is necessary for a group with many members. That also means that not a lot of members are given the chance to shine. I like them. It’s pleasing to watch them whether they’re doing variety shows or performing live. But still I wasn’t super impressed when they perform. NOT UNTIL…


I absolutely had no idea she IS that GOOD.  I mean I thought all they know is to act cute, I didn’t know that the a SNSD member knows how to be fierce! It’s just that they’re always acting cute and all that. So, I find it amazing to see Hyoyeon’s fierceness.  I kept watching this over and over again.

The spotlight should be on Hyoyeon. With the talent and a gorgeous body she has, she should  be given full attention. She’s fierce! I am a number one fan of fierceness! It moves me when someone performs with so much passion.

Whew! Hyoyeon, are you sure you’re in the right group? Are you even in the right entertainment company?

Hyoyeon deserves to shine! I have one wish though…perfrom a killer dance routine with Taeyang!!! OMG, that would be soo great! I mean both of them flows really well. I’ll keep my fingers crossed!

i am a CLover! i lover her! loooove her!!!

Posted in 2NE1, Chaera, Chaerin, CL, KPOP with tags , on 06/24/2010 by whatevertoni

I can’t hold it any more. I have to express my obsession! Okay I admit.. I AM A CL FANGIRL! I can’t really explain why I like her a lot. If you ask me why, I can only answer that it’s because she’s perfect. I mean she’s amazing. I like every single thing about her.

Okay, at first, I didn’t find her pretty. She wasn’t so bad. I just hated her thick make-up and insane fashion style. But while watching 2NE1TV, I saw her bare-faced and she somehow showed the real Chaerin.

I wasn’t aware of it at first, but her fierceness blew me away. She’s the kind of person who’s really born to be a performer. Of course she’s born with the talent in singing, dancing, and rapping. Her incredible stage presence is just amazing. I often wonder where she gets all the confidence.

She’s always sets the stage on fire! She really leaves me dumbfounded every time I watch her perform. Her dance moves are so precise and she flows well. Every dance move, every note she hits are just so powerful. It’s like she’s supercharged. It seems that she has the strength of two guys.

She can be one of the boys, and be as cool as them.


She teases us with her feminine side.  It kind of makes my heart melt seeing her shifting from being charmingly boyish into being so feminine. She’s boyish with a touch of femininity. And that makes her sooooo cool! Not a lot of girls are like that. They are either soo feminine or sooo lesbo.


*heart palpitations*

*chest pains*

Why aren’t you a guy??? Why??! I wish you were a dude, so we can get married! hahaha! I don’t even believe in marriage, but I will if you’re a guy. =D

It sucks to be a fan, sometimes

Posted in 2NE1, Bigbang, Bom, CL, Dara, KPOP, Minzy with tags , , , , on 06/21/2010 by whatevertoni

Maybe I’m becoming too obsessed that I wanted to be closer to idols. But c’mon. It’s impossible, right? It’s quite frustrating, actually to be a fan. In the end, you’re just a fan. And these idols know nothing about you.

Bright, Catholic — and gay

Posted in blah, love?! with tags , on 06/15/2010 by whatevertoni

by Danton Ramoto

Raymond “Bong” Alikpala seemed like the perfect guy any girl would love to bring home to mother. He is a blue-blooded Atenean from grade school to law school, an honor student and student council leader. He is also a practicing Catholic; cheerful, bright, and personable.

But for many years he hid a secret in the innermost chamber of himself — his homosexuality. After almost four decades in the closet, he has finally come out and written what may be a most controversial book, God Loves Bakla: My Life in the Closet.

Published by the author himself in Cambodia where he now works as a lawyer, the book’s Philippine edition was launched by Ang Ladlad Party List a fortnight ago. In reportorial mode, Alikpala begins his narrative this way.

“I am a gay man, a homosexual. I engage in sexual relations with the same sex. I have paid other men to have sex with me. I have never had sex with a woman. I have a husband.”

The words come out staccato-like, unblinking. The prose is like fizz from a soda bottle that had long been covered.

After a closeted life in Manila, being an over-achiever and super-competitive in everything he did, Alikpala took his Master of Laws at the National University of Singapore. Then he returned to Manila and began training as a priest at the Jesuit Novitiate in Novaliches, but was asked to leave after 16 months. Days of depression made him feel like a boat without anchor: in a stroke of irony, he would later go to Cambodia and work with asylum seekers and refugees — people without moorings, like him — at the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees. And at the age of 42, he began writing this book.

In 21 chapters, Alikpala sketches for us the brief history of a life. But unlike Western coming-out books that rage and rage against the light, this one is very Filipino in the sense that it is, eventually, anchored on family and God. He acknowledges love and devotion for his hardworking parents, who sent him to a good and expensive Catholic school; to his circle of friends, most of them male, with whom he (tried to) have a platonic relationship as comrades-in-arms.

His teachers at the Ateneo are also mentioned, described in terms more sweet than bitter: Dulaang Sibol, Prayer Days for Coeds, generally liberal advice dispensed by his Jesuit mentors.

“Fr. Joel’s initial advice was to try to be at peace with myself, to learn to accept myself as I was. He told me to pray for the grace of peace and self-understanding. In later sessions he would tell me that I was too preoccupied with my own self, and he encouraged me to join student activities which were others-oriented, which could draw me out of myself and place my problems in perspective. He said that I should learn to accept my homosexuality peacefully, and then learn to go beyond it, to transcend it, because it did not have to limit or define who I was.”

And so our young and confused gay man in the closet began doing apostolate work for an urban poor community in Commonwealth, Quezon City. Later, he would throw himself headlong into the student council, leading protests against the Marcos Government in the mid-1980s. But still, at the heart of it lies a life of contradiction: because unable to accept one’s self, one abandons the inner core and offers one’s self to the altar of community and country. But when there is a black hole inside one’s self, what then can one offer, except hollow words and acts of charity?

With confusion hounding him like a shadow, Alikpala graduates, takes up law, and becomes involved with human-rights cases. He teaches at Xavier University in Cagayan de Oro City, cuts his legal teeth with the law office of the legendary Senator Rene V. Saguisag. Already 30 years old, but still lost. The photograph at the end of Chapter 11 captures it perfectly: a man with an umbrella on a rainy day, carrying a cane as he walks on the slippery street.

And as with the case of many Filipinos who lived abroad, his stint there freed him in a way. He received an ASEAN Scholarship to take the Master of Laws at NUS.

“Living abroad for the first time, I was able to move and behave in a way unencumbered by past frustrations, embarrassments, and failures. I felt liberated, for once, to be myself, and not to have to be the dutiful son, diligent student, model Atenean, and hardworking attorney. I felt young, carefree, and irresponsible. I still remained closeted all my life in Singapore, and yet the feeling of being a student all over again made me happier, friendlier, more fun to be with, more happy-go-lucky. And this happier Raymond, the backpacker Raymond traipsing with them across Malaysia and Indonesia, was who my European friends got to know and grew to cherish.”

It’s like the Chinese poem of a beautiful parrot suddenly freed from the golden cage of home. And again, in a life of ironies, only to find another golden cage in the Jesuit Novitiate, where he stayed for 16 months and was finally expelled by the Father Provincial for a homosexual act. Set adrift and gripped by depression, he later found solace in work as a lawyer for refugees in Cambodia under the Jesuit Refugee Service.

There he met an 87-year-old priest, Fr. Pierre Ceyrac, who counseled him: “Umbra lux Dei, [he said], drawing with his finger a sundial on the cabinet door. He illustrated how the shadow on the sundial told us the time, and that without the shadow the sundial would be useless. ‘The shadows are the light of God.’ he translated. It was the shadows in our lives through which God revealed Himself to us. . . .”

After the metaphysical, it was time for the physical — and out of the closet at last. Alikpala was en route to attend summer school at Oxford when he had a stopover at Bangkok and a friend brought him to Silom area, to have “massage for men by men.” Suffice it to say that he had finally tasted the forbidden fruit in an atmosphere that was free from Catholic guilt.

The coming-out part of the book is written in prose that is shorter and more crisp, as if the liberated Raymond is taking a jaunty walk in the park. He has found his own voice, own friends, and finally a lover — Robert from Saigon.

“Robert and I were married on 14 June 2008. It was not a legal ceremony; neither Philippine nor Vietnamese civil laws recognize same-sex marriages. It has been the fashion to call this a ‘commitment ceremony,’ but for Robert and me, ours is a real marriage — we have made our own vows before God, promising to love each other, for better or for worse, until the end of our days.”

And where did they get married? In Angkor Wat, the ancient ruins in Cambodia. This is also the place where the character played by Tony Leung in the film In the Mood for Love finds a crack in the wall. And in the ageless ruins, he confesses his most secret love for the already-married character played by Maggie Cheung.

* * *

God Loves Bakla sells for P400. Copies are available at Achieve office, 162 Sct. Fuentebella Ext., Barangay Sacred Heart, Quezon City (426-6147). Or you can deposit P490 to Ang Ladlad BPI savings account 1993077425, inform me at and we will send your copy by courier.


I think this article should be read by a lot of people. After taking gay literature in college, I had a new found respect for LGBTs.

follow me on twitter!

Posted in Uncategorized on 06/03/2010 by whatevertoni



Your love, your love is my drug

Posted in 2NE1, CL on 06/03/2010 by whatevertoni

This is not intended to anyone, except probably CL. I just have a thought. It probably feels oh so right to be in love. I dunno. I guess I have forgotten the feeling… of being loved. oh well. I’m happy with my status now. whatever. There’s someone that’s making my heart smile though.

Hey, your love is my drug. =0