Archive for January, 2011

happy frustration

Posted in blah on 01/29/2011 by whatevertoni

One of the facebook stats of my friend says that our highschool batchmate is one of the candidates of Bb. Pilipinas Universe, the most prestigious pageant in the country. The winner of Bb. Pilipinas will represent the country in the Miss Universe pageant.

I remember that she was once my classmate in third year. We were a bit rough and not so lady-like. We even call each other, ‘dude pare’. lol. I used to like hanging out with her since we had a lot of things in common. We were both thin and tall (she’s taller by a few cm), and we also have the same humor. Although we sort of acted like dudes, I was secretly thinking that we had what it takes to be models.

 She did become a model probably during college.

Now, that she is on her way to be a beauty queen, I feel so proud of her. I don’t feel envious. I just think that being a model or beauty queen is just my happy frustration. Yeah, oh well. haha. Being a model isn’t too impossible, right? lol.

miracle.

Posted in express on 01/29/2011 by whatevertoni

I need a miracle not for myself, but for my bestfriend’s mom who is battling with Breast Cancer. I don’t want her to lose both parents in a span of less than three years. I think that’s too much for her.

I don’t know what to say to her. I don’t know how to pray for this, but I’m yelling to the universe right now of her need of a miracle.

Grateful

Posted in blah on 01/28/2011 by whatevertoni

Lately, my temper has been out of control. I easily snap at others, especially my dad.

But today, while eating my lunch, I realized that I need to be more grateful for the blessings that I receive.

Here’s my list of things to be thankful for:

1. Salary

I promised myself to work harder.

2. Home-based job

3. New hairstyle. I kind of look like this:

4. Wi-fi at home.

Now, we don’t have to argue who gets the connection. Everyone at home has a laptop.

5. Nice figure

haha. I’m one of the few lucky ones. No matter how much I eat, I don’t ever get fat. =)

fcuked up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted in blah on 01/27/2011 by whatevertoni

why??????????

arghhhhhhhhhhhhh

talk to me

Posted in blah on 01/27/2011 by whatevertoni

Right now, you may be going through a misfortune.
       Instead of complaining, moaning, and grumbling, be quiet.
And listen to God’s message in your heart.
You’ll be surprised.

-Bo Sanchez

nada

Posted in blah, express on 01/27/2011 by whatevertoni

You know those times when you’re neither happy nor unhappy? You’re not exactly satisfied. You’re just going with the flow of life with the danger of drowning.

I don’t actually have a clear purpose in life. I just want to be successful in my career. I have big dreams of helping my country (not in a political way). But I dunno. I don’t feel motivated. I’m just so uninspired, I guess.

Where to go?

What to do?

What company?

What should inspire me? or who?

looking back

Posted in blah, express on 01/26/2011 by whatevertoni

February 29, 2008

kiLL

if i stop blogging here.. that means i stopped breathing..

 i love ___.. so much..

nothing else matters..

March 9, 2008

pathetic

i can’t help but feel sorry for myself.. after a long time of pain, you weren’t worth it after all. but still.. i’m glad that it’s over.. i don’t feel sorry now that i’ve totally lost you.. as what i’ve said, you are not worth it.. you chose to be with her.. so okay.. i’m letting you be..
  
March 9, 2008

right time

there is a right time for everything. we care for each other but it’s still not enough for us to be together. you are with someone. you can’t fight for me. maybe we are not meant to be. i won’t force things. i’ve decided to just let things be. let things flow. maybe, plans fail because it’s really not meant to be. of course, i would like us to be friends. but it’s not possible as of the moment. the cut is so deep that there my brain seems to shut off the idea that we can still be together. the pain was all too much for me to bear. i still feel a bit stupid for saying my real feelings to you. only to feel ridiculed because i still wasn’t enough for you. it’s over. and i have given up any idea that we can still be together.
 
February 20,2009

also a letter to villete

i still have feelings for you. but i don’t know if it’s love or you’re just a very bad habit to break. you’re my addiction and i need to go to rehab for this. i guess my mind always drifts back to the time when i loved someone so much. it’s incredible to know that i can love that way. ironically, i felt love for a person and at the same time i felt unloved by that same person. things happened already and i just can’t get over it. i still feel bitterness. you made me feel i wasn’t needed. you confused me with the letter you sent to villete. i don’t know. i guess we won’t see each other soon. I pray to God that we’ll find our way to fix our stained relationship. i don’t know. but i still haven’t forgiven you fully.
 
-entries from my old blog
January 26, 2011
No I am not heartbroken! lol. In fact I’m numb.
I decided to look back in the past where my trauma in relationships came from. I couldn’t go on feeling afraid of opening up myself to the possibility of love.
While in the train a few weeks ago, a thought had suddenly entered my mind. I said to myself that I didn’t want pain to be my last memory of love. So I had to be positive about things.
What happened in the past really affected my view on relationships. My mind was closed, and my heart was impenetrable.
Yes, I’m now over that relationship, but the trauma is still there. Sometimes, I still seem a bit distant around new people and even with friends that I’ve known for a long time. I know that I have to set myself free. I deserve to be happy again.
P.S.
I think my addiction to KPOP is feeding my emptiness inside. Oh well. At least I’m not doing drugs…. regularly. hahaha!