Archive for the express Category

Backward-ass thinking

Posted in blah, express with tags , on 08/13/2011 by whatevertoni

Insensitive remarks are like daggers that cannot be pulled out just as easily as they were stabbed.

I’ve been badly bruised for the past few weeks, enough to cause internal hemorrhage. It  fucking sucks to suffer this way. It’s like bleeding to death alone. Then there are others who keep throwing daggers, unaware of the lingering hurt of the previous stabs.

How many people have gone to their graves bringing the taste of prejudice that has been existing even before they were born? It’s the fucking way of thinking that has penetrated in the minds of almost everyone. How long would this continue? How many more lives would be put to waste? How many more people would suffer silently?

Fuck insensitivity.

Fuck prejudice.

Fuck righteousness.

Fuck religion if it teaches you to hate.

Once in a while, we need to deconstruct all the fuck that we believe in. It may save some awesome lives.


I’m okay. I’m just fucking pissed.

Credit to the owner of the gif


Finishing 100 Facts

Posted in blah, express, love?! on 04/22/2011 by whatevertoni

18. I have almond-shaped eyes.

17. My hair is really dry.

16. I’m giving up tumblr this holy week. Well, it’s a Catholic thing to sacrifice something during holy week.

15. I am definitely more productive without tumblr.

14. I consider Mac computers the best computers ever.

13. I had my first serious relationship when I was 13.

14. I had my first break up when I was 15.

15. My greatest frustration is not being able to dance properly.

14. I want to learn how to play the violin.

13. I like rock, rnb, and hiphop music.

12. I love watching Glee, House M.D., How I Met Your Mother, and Outsourced.

11. I’m starting to dislike watching Korean movies/dramas. I think most of them are predictable.

10. My friend suggested that I watch “Sex is Zero”. I told her I didn’t like movies about sex. However, I enjoyed watching it. It’s disgusting, yet touching. (ironic lol)

9. I like being with lively, talkative, and considerate people.

8. I tend to dislike people who are only child. I talked to my friends about it. We all agreed that there’s something lacking in them because they have no siblings. They have a tendency to have their own world, insensitive, and inconsiderate to others.

7. I actually met an only child who isn’t what I described above.

6. It may seem like I can handle rejection well, but the truth is it’s just a facade. I really don’t take rejection lightly.

5. I don’t easily fall. I don’t easily let go.

4. I don’t really spend for others.

3. I don’t mind spending money for someone special.

2. I met my one great love.

1. I lost my one great love.

P. S.

But then again, great love does not equate to true love.


Posted in express on 01/29/2011 by whatevertoni

I need a miracle not for myself, but for my bestfriend’s mom who is battling with Breast Cancer. I don’t want her to lose both parents in a span of less than three years. I think that’s too much for her.

I don’t know what to say to her. I don’t know how to pray for this, but I’m yelling to the universe right now of her need of a miracle.


Posted in blah, express on 01/27/2011 by whatevertoni

You know those times when you’re neither happy nor unhappy? You’re not exactly satisfied. You’re just going with the flow of life with the danger of drowning.

I don’t actually have a clear purpose in life. I just want to be successful in my career. I have big dreams of helping my country (not in a political way). But I dunno. I don’t feel motivated. I’m just so uninspired, I guess.

Where to go?

What to do?

What company?

What should inspire me? or who?

looking back

Posted in blah, express on 01/26/2011 by whatevertoni

February 29, 2008


if i stop blogging here.. that means i stopped breathing..

 i love ___.. so much..

nothing else matters..

March 9, 2008


i can’t help but feel sorry for myself.. after a long time of pain, you weren’t worth it after all. but still.. i’m glad that it’s over.. i don’t feel sorry now that i’ve totally lost you.. as what i’ve said, you are not worth it.. you chose to be with her.. so okay.. i’m letting you be..
March 9, 2008

right time

there is a right time for everything. we care for each other but it’s still not enough for us to be together. you are with someone. you can’t fight for me. maybe we are not meant to be. i won’t force things. i’ve decided to just let things be. let things flow. maybe, plans fail because it’s really not meant to be. of course, i would like us to be friends. but it’s not possible as of the moment. the cut is so deep that there my brain seems to shut off the idea that we can still be together. the pain was all too much for me to bear. i still feel a bit stupid for saying my real feelings to you. only to feel ridiculed because i still wasn’t enough for you. it’s over. and i have given up any idea that we can still be together.
February 20,2009

also a letter to villete

i still have feelings for you. but i don’t know if it’s love or you’re just a very bad habit to break. you’re my addiction and i need to go to rehab for this. i guess my mind always drifts back to the time when i loved someone so much. it’s incredible to know that i can love that way. ironically, i felt love for a person and at the same time i felt unloved by that same person. things happened already and i just can’t get over it. i still feel bitterness. you made me feel i wasn’t needed. you confused me with the letter you sent to villete. i don’t know. i guess we won’t see each other soon. I pray to God that we’ll find our way to fix our stained relationship. i don’t know. but i still haven’t forgiven you fully.
-entries from my old blog
January 26, 2011
No I am not heartbroken! lol. In fact I’m numb.
I decided to look back in the past where my trauma in relationships came from. I couldn’t go on feeling afraid of opening up myself to the possibility of love.
While in the train a few weeks ago, a thought had suddenly entered my mind. I said to myself that I didn’t want pain to be my last memory of love. So I had to be positive about things.
What happened in the past really affected my view on relationships. My mind was closed, and my heart was impenetrable.
Yes, I’m now over that relationship, but the trauma is still there. Sometimes, I still seem a bit distant around new people and even with friends that I’ve known for a long time. I know that I have to set myself free. I deserve to be happy again.
I think my addiction to KPOP is feeding my emptiness inside. Oh well. At least I’m not doing drugs…. regularly. hahaha!

I hate what I’m feeling right now

Posted in express on 01/12/2011 by whatevertoni

Someone is making me feel uncomfortable. dang!!!!!!! That person is younger than I am, but damn I feel so fucking awkward. I guess I’m just an awkward person. I’m usually aloof with people.

What friends?

Posted in express on 01/08/2011 by whatevertoni

You know how you think you have a lot of friends, but they are nowhere to be found.