Open Heart

Posted in love?! on 04/29/2012 by whatevertoni

I was alone on Good Friday until early Easter Sunday. Yet, I could genuinely say that I was happy. I was able to have an ample time to meditate and reflect. I was also able to say that I was genuinely happy to be single. I mean c’mon. I’ve been single for a long time, but that was the actual time when I really felt satisfied.

BUT

I met someone after holy week. This person disturbed my happy single life and made my heart flutter big time. After two meetings, we parted ways. lol. It sounds tragic, but it really was just a case of meeting someone that could help in opening up my heart. I don’t know if I would ever see (insert name here) again, but whatever it was no big deal.

Then I dated A. I went out with A before, but it was awkward. I was sure that I didn’t want to meet A again. lol. But A texted me to have dinner, and we did. We hung out for about four hours. We had to go home to catch the train, and A still had work the next day. Unlike our first meeting, we had a lot of fun. It was that rare kilig feeling.

I thought that it was a rising action until we reached climax and be together. BUT no. I’m finding it hard to read A. Wow. We were already growing apart after the first real date. lol.

These encounters with A and (insert name here) were really disturbing. I guess it was a bad case of expecting too much for something to happen. Sucks for me. lol.

Good thing is I now know how to go back to the center of my life. And just let God be in control with my life.

For whatever these encounters were worth, I still thank God for that rare kilig feeling.

Where are you Caravaggio from Peyups.com?

Posted in blah, love?! with tags , , , , on 03/18/2012 by whatevertoni

In 2008, I started visiting in peyups.com. I don’t know how I landed there. I’m not even from UP. There are a handful of columnists int that site, but Caravaggio became one of my favorites. In my Internet research, I found out her name is Ina. She’s probably in Denmark now, but I hope I could find her blog or whatever. I just want to read more of her articles and stuff. I also like the columnist named Angel, but it’s hard to do Internet research about him/her because there are a lot of Angel Locsin stuff popping out, which is really annoying.

Anyway..

Here’s one part of what Caravaggio had written:

“I miss you” means everything and nothing, it is unflinching and honest. It is upbeat and simple, with wisps of longing and clouds of hope. You miss people you used to love, people you used to want, people you used to need. But most of the time the missing is all that’s left, and that’s OK, there’s nothing else you’d change. The missing implies a past that remains in its rightful place. Or it implies the reality and possibilities of the present. It is hope and love and lust and peace all at the same time. Some people say that when they met that person, it was akin to “coming home”. And missing is this manifestation of home-sickness, the way people return to their homelands to die, the way all the comfort the world has to offer is nothing compared to the feeling of being in someone’s arms.

Dear Ina, the world deserves to read your works.

Smart ass

Posted in blah on 01/19/2012 by whatevertoni

I didn’t expect you to be that smart ass. You have a point, and I admire your firm stand to uphold your moral values. But c’mon man. Be realistic. Do you actually think you can stop people from having sex? You have a girlfriend. Don’t tell me you haven’t done it, or you have no sexual urges at all. Population control is not a guaranteed solution to poverty. However, it’s safe to say that passing the RH Bill values human life, and there would be less poor children with hungry mouths wandering in the streets.

Meaningless

Posted in blah on 01/17/2012 by whatevertoni

I woke up today feeling awful about my life that seems to be without a purpose. I’m under a lot of pressure to achieve and prove myself. I have no idea where to begin or where I should be headed.

What’s wrong with me?

Posted in blah on 01/13/2012 by whatevertoni

empty..

no motivation..

plain sad..

I blame Friday the 13th.

Dazed

Posted in blah with tags on 01/03/2012 by whatevertoni

It’s a new year, yet I don’t feel motivated.  I have so much to achieve this year. I can’t sort out my feelings and my thoughts. But my longing for something..or someone is what is clear to me.I don’t know. I really don’t. The only solution I can think of is clean up the clutter at home. Cleaning up clears up my mind. Maybe if I do this, I can manage to sort out the loose ends of my life.

Better Day

Posted in blah with tags on 01/03/2012 by whatevertoni

Today is another day, a much better day.